I don’t wanna be that person he texts or calls when he’s up in the middle of the night fucked on whatever he’s doing. I use to love the idea that I’m the person he thinks of late in the night but I haven’t been his in a very long time. I don’t want to be held onto because I know if he keeps coming back… If he keeps beckoning for love again… my strength to let go will dwindle and I’ll bring him back into my life as easily as the day turns into night.

I really hate that some people on sound cloud have to have you like their Facebook page in order for you to download for free their music. So my dumb ass decides to reactivate my account so that I can do that.. well as my news feed comes up, i had some notifications from people that i made my favorites (which btw, after not using FB for a long time, I realize how much it has changed and how glad I am that I had delete in the first place)… well, awesome enough, my ex newsfeed comes up notifying me that he had posted some shit and look-y there… Our fucking picture displayed with the caption “good friend from cali”… I HAVE A MILLION FUCKING QUESTIONS RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND AND IT’S DRIVING ME INSANE. 

I just want to talk to you. You are the first person I think about in the morning and the last that I think about before I go to bed. I’ve never felt this way for anyone in my life. I’ve never felt so close and wanting you and wanting to be with you… I just can’t help it. I don’t understand why I feel this way. You crushed it all and gave up. Many heartbreaks later and I still wanna be with you. After all this, I still want to be with you.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Words I shouldn’t have sent,
But also a phrase that’s been eating me alive for over a week now.

I don’t know if I can do this. I’m doomed.

I’m overwhelmed. Idk if I can even do these summer online classes I’m taking. I so desperately wanna tell my mom that I don’t want to take summer classes but that wouldn’t help me at all. I’m doing “preliminary” classes before my actual classes for my major. Idk I can stick to this. Idk if I really want to do this. Can’t I just win the lottery and not do anything but the things I like? That would be too easy of a life, huh? Words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated right now😔

Went out to my favorite bar tonight with my best friend and of all people to run into, we run into our creepy English teacher from high school. Then half of the student body from high school right after that… What the hell

At least I killed at pool.